Who Said Twin Flame Love Would Be Easy?

Have you ever loved somebody so much all-else pales in comparison? Have you ever loved someone to the extent that you pray for them before you pray for yourself? Think of them before you think of yourself? This excruciating bittersweet long distance relationship has tried my every nerve, every single part of me. I have had to pray for strength and perseverance, had monthly meltdowns and broken up with my beloved, more times than I can remember (cringe) and even decided to give it all up and concede defeat just when it was changing for the better. Funny… but he never, ever gave up on me. I was tired. You know the kind of tired, when you’re tired to your bones? Tired of holding on to something/someone or a situation when you don’t think you are getting back, what you were putting in. I was right. When I realised it broke my heart. The imbalance in our relationship took its toll as my twin flame worked through unfinished karma. We had telepathic and empathic connections that grew stronger daily and hourly. I carried him every where I went and he infused me with light in meditation and prayer when I was ill or down and I did the same for him. It blew my mind to know we were so connected especially when a woman wants to maintain an air of mystique, keep him guessing….. No chance, he was ‘all up in’ most of my thoughts, making me smile, encouraging me. I had never had such an intense connection before. It would have freaked me out and had me wheeling for the hills but he filled me with so much love. I waited patiently and sometimes not too patiently… for his past karma to be completed.

Whilst waiting, my past rose up and issues I thought had long gone and been laid to rest came back harder, uglier and more viciously. My son’s father, a past Soulmate that had been bitter and abusive seemed to have a campaign of hate directed at me and my son. My beloved was far away when it happened and I realise now I had to be on my own to work through all this ‘stuff’. We reflected and mirrored each other as with all twin flames. Our joint karma and issues had to be worked through individually before we could be together.

I was ‘tested’ by N, I thought unfairly, because his past had left wounds that seeped toxic mistrust and unbelief in our beautiful fragile new love. There was a niggling belief in his heart that I would leave, cheat or change in my feelings towards him, my most beloved, when all I wanted was for him to come home, love him, show him that I was not her and could never be, like the women in his painful past.

He said he loved me and I felt it daily but I also felt him withdraw at times when I needed him to draw near to me, to our love. The problem was I loved him, loved him too much for my own good. Putting him first when he needed healing. My love could not fix his heart, as much as I wanted to heal the rips and brokenness in his spirit. He had to take the time to heal himself. Our time apart has allowed him to do this. As our love grew, gradually his heart and spirit slowly began healing.

This man was all I had ever dreamed and prayed for. He complimented me in every way. In ways I had never even thought possible. He shared my love of words and writing. Creativity exuded from every pore and cell of him, he stimulated my mind to crazy dimensions and turned me on, just by being, without touching. He would encourage me, strengthen and empower me daily and yet he underestimated how he affected my life and how much invaluable support he gave me. He was not physically there, as we women know, men like to be practical, but it could not be helped so we loved each other from afar. I longed for him daily, missing simple things other couples took for granted. Shopping trips, snuggling in front of the TV, holding hands in the park, eating together, sleeping together, waking together, going on dates…. So many moments were missed, Christmas, valentines, birthdays, functions I had to visit alone. All this had an immense strain on me being on my own. But it strangely strengthened us. Our devotion never wavered. We were still faithful to each other and our hearts never changed its path. All we wanted was to be together.

Sometimes when you love someone that has been tragically damaged/hurt from their past relationship it contaminates your new love, it can either build or destroy. If when you have seen the worst of each other and still love in spite of the circumstance and love wholeheartedly anyway. When you can love each other through your infirmities, through your problems and see only the person you love and not the baggage they come with, then you know you have someone and something so precious and rare that you’ll be able to stand together through the rain and storms of life and weather any tsunami that the world could try and throw towards you both, but you’ll stand together side by side holding hands, united.

When my beloved saw my protective barriers which he helped me deconstruct from around my heart, his love and, my faith healed and renewed me. He helped me to trust again when I had been previously abused by ex-partners. Although bruised emotionally I had never, could never have given up on LOVE. I ignited his passion with my childlike faith in love, my faith in us. I helped him to find a love that he had only aspired to from his youth, a love that he had never thought actually existed. He thought it was only childish imaginings, that had to give way to the brutality of the world and the compromises we have to make as adults included never being in a truly happy settled relationship and love, true love, was only something that was real in movies, that he secretly longed for…. He had whispered to my heart, he always knew what ever it was, he would find it with me, only me.

We had lived separate lives in those 10 years. We had relationships with others that were not worthy of receiving our hearts but they helped to stretch us and to grow. We each experienced relationships with liars, cheaters, thieves, and emotional assassins. We barely lived to tell the tale and tentatively love again. When he had felt all hope was lost and his experiences had changed the surface of him. I still saw, always saw the heart of him. His true self that time could not change or blemish.

We have all done things we would rather not share with another, but he had held me in such high esteem, he thought me blemish-free. I laughingly tried not to burst his bubble too quickly and let him down gently when I told him I was far from it. He saw only the good in me and measured himself to the impossible ‘image’ of me and felt lacking. To be honest, anyone would have felt inadequate against impression he had of me. I was so far from perfect,  but also a far, far difference to the women he had dated previously, who never knew the meaning of loyalty or how to love and be loved without putting a price on it. I also had a past, maybe not as racy as his own but, I believe our past forces us to grow. I also believe our negative past can also be a season, some longer than others.

I viewed him as the man I loved and refused to judge him by a life he had lived before we had each other/ before he had changed. AND HE HAS CHANGED. I have witnessed him do things that have made me so proud to love and be loved by him. I trust him implicitly and when he comes home we will have a life filed with love, babies and blessings.

Finding your twin flame is not easy. There are things to be fixed, mended and healed and sometimes we have to do the healing apart, but when we have dealt with our karma we are left with a relationship stronger than every other relationship you will ever know.

In many ways he was my mirror, the journey and growth he had to go through, I had to as well in my own way. It was just as painful and wrenching and I realise now as I agonised that he was not with me, HE was not supposed to be with me. I HAD to grow through these things on my own. If he had physically been there perhaps I would not have evolved into the person I am today. I have found strength when I thought there was none left to find. I have endured things that would break another, and yet I was blessed he was there on the sidelines, cheering me on. I used to think we met again at the wrong time and if we had met later then all this waiting would have been unnecessary. But it was part of a greater Divine, intricately woven plan. We have helped and supported our limping souls through the wasteland of our final painful soul lessons and been witness to each others amazing spiritual growth. Renewed and revived to love each other free from the shackles of our pasts, cleansed by the fire of lessons and able, when he comes home to embark on the most excellent adventure of our lives. My faith and his love has taken me out of a wheelchair and I’m now walking, stronger everyday. Ready to run into his arms and kiss away all the traces of our hurts and love him with every breath of my body for an eternity.

Your twin flame will be your best friend, your refuge from the storms, your strength and your comfort rolled into one. They will love you through sickness, they will love you through health, they will love you through adversity, they will love you through joy and they will love you right into the spirit realm. It cannot be forced, it can not be replicated, bought or bartered. It is a unique feeling of oneness with another being that fuses you together spiritually, joyfully and completely in love that when the problems melt away, which they will…. All that is left is the one person you were created to love, share and spend your life with.

What can be better than that?

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